A. I believe this to be a loving, intelligent universe.
B. I see deep pain, systemic inequality, murder, dysfunction, retribution, over and over and over again.
How can this be? I yearn for any answer,
to reconcile the paradox, to smooth out
the screaming dissonance.
It’s tempting to just cut out one proposition or the other:
A loving intelligent universe? What a joke. Obviously it’s
neither loving nor intelligent. It’s chaos, it’s statistics, it’s beastly.
But this just leaves me in despair.
So then I’ll say that heartache and terror and blood are
just the price of free will,
just human frailty, just our egos, just the devil,
just wrong-thinking, just temporal and finite, just part of the journey.
And isn’t that a fucking insulting way to avoid the problem.
So what then?
I want an answer, dammit, but I’m beginning to see that it can’t be
about answers at all.
Not about the answers of expertise and position and ideology.
Not about the answers of spiritual, philosophical, scientific systems.
There’s a hint of something
in listening, in stretching,
maybe every once in a while in the glimpse
of something that just hurls us spinning on
into better questions…
I wonder about this world, about us.
And I am open to the exploration of how to be in it, with it,
how to be it --
bumbling agents, stumbling hearts,
ignorant radiant brilliance,
learning to fail and fly with everything we’ve got.
Of course the pain and violence and injustice are real.
Here we are.
The world is crying out for so much love — unreasonable love,
un-figure-out-able love, more love than I think I can possibly
hold or do or be.
And the world is crying out for a whole lot of intelligence — new intelligence,
an intelligence informed by history but not bound by it,
an intelligence of possibility
that hasn’t already been gleaned from somewhere else,
because that sounds like more of the same.
When I don’t know, which is most of the time if I’m being true,
why not assume the best
about people, about the world?
I think that would help me to like us more.
When I think I know, which is probably too much of the time,
why not know the things that draw us
closer, instead of so much pushing away?
Every one of us is beckoned to be
more completely ourselves than we’ve ever been before,
more outrageously beautiful and hopeful
embodiments of creativity and imagination, innovation and action,
more full of heart and agile of mind,
more uniquely you and me,
more us together.
This loving intelligent universe is not an answer,
not a mere answer.
It’s an invitation.